The Story of the Haunted Castle
There it was, the haunted castle that everyone was too afraid to enter. Last week, my sister went in and she never came out. I became a brave big brother and went to go look for her. Just when I touched the doorknob, lightning struck from the sky but I still went to look for my sister. I opened the door and once I set foot in the castle the door slammed shut and I saw a doll staring at me. When I blinked it was gone. I heard breathing behind me and when I turned there was the doll! (To be continued...)
Ka pai Axel. I like the way you shared the goal for your writing. It's important to remember that every text has a goal and a purpose. I think you hit your goal, the strike of lightning was a nice ouch to set the scene and mood. One tip: did you check your first sentence?
ReplyDeleteThank you Phil for the tip. I have edited my story and changed a few things. I appreciate the help to make me a better writer.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked my story.
Good morning Axel! Well done with this 100 word story! I can really see that you have worked very hard along the year and that you are developing amazing writing skills. I particularly liked the rich vocabulary that you used and the special adjectives and verbs you chose to describe your scene. Maybe you could do a little synonym (words that means the same thing) research so that you use even more vocabulary and avoid to repeat some words too often?
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the next part... although... I am a bit scared of what will happen...
Miss Mathilde
Wow! Axel, you definitely achieved your goal with me. You have me on the edge of my seat. I can't wait to find out what happens next. One way to add to or build up tension in a story is to write short, sharp sentences. Ms C
ReplyDelete